I *HEART* NO

I want to wear a t-shirt that says I heart New Orleans. I do not want that place to be going through what it is going through right now. I was glad yesterday when it hadn't filled up with water. I am in shock now. I've been bitten by the New Orleans bug in a big way, the city deeply affected and enchanted me. I am at a loss for words right now.

Every year meteorologists cock their eyebrows at at least one storm in the Gulf. I don't know if the general population does this or not. Every year we say the what ifs and we say the thank goodnesses. Every year we think, "What if Camille wasn't the big one?" I don't have any inside track on knowing that a city near the sea that is below sea level is living on borrowed time.

My heart is breaking for the city, and for the people in the city. And for the people in the lower parishes. And for the people in Biloxi and Gulfport and everyone who is affected. I've spent a lot of time looking at storm damage, and I'm amazed by the level of the destruction.

I do have a sweatshirt that says "New Orleans" on it. I just need to cut out a heart and pin it on...


(Scanned copy of an actual photograph printed on real photographic paper, taken five years ago. Apologies for the quality. It is old school.)

Happy Birthday

Today is my baby's 9th birthday.





Cute, but goofy. I am hanging on to that picture for his first Prom date.

He is taking the bowl of cookies with him to school. My parents and sister came down last night and took us all out to Joe's Crab Shack for dinner. He enjoyed it a lot, and he got a groovy shirt too.

Schuetzenground

We finally caught a break today and got out of town for a while.

We drove out 94 past the wineries, along the Katy trail, over the river and through the woods, to Cowan's in Washington. We made a quick stop at the Daniel Boone home, but we did not feel up to the tour today. We ate a nice homey meal and enjoyed HUGE slices of pie for dessert.

On the way home, we stopped by Dennis's new find, Reifsnider State Forest. Reifsnider is located off of Schuetzenground road. We all enjoyed saying that ten times fast. I took my car across a rock bottom low water bridge*. I proceeded to get it extremely dirty on the gravel/dirt road. Hooray!


It was really nice to unwind for a few hours. I've been on overdrive since we decided to move.




*otherwise known as driving across a creek

Spinning

Since I've joined the Squishy Place, I've driven past the Alberici windmill (at I-170 and Page Avenue) on a regular basis. I always watch it while I'm driving. On days when it is in motion, I like to eat lunch at one of the places nearby that affords a view of it. I really enjoy the way it rotates with an approaching thunderstorm. I've also noticed a microclimate where two nearby flags always flap at about a 30 degree angle to the windmill itself. I believe the flags are catching wind coming down from the interstate embankment, while the windmill is indicating the true wind direction.

I don't know where I'm going!

Someone has taken the girl out of South County! I've got that good old fashioned lost all the time feeling again. I have to think hard before I go anywhere around here and plan my routes. I am not very familiar with the St. Charles area, and I am making "discoveries" every day. I am still considering just about every outing an experiment, and I'm slowly learning which roads connect to each other so that one day I hope to really know my way around.

One thing that I know is that there is a whole lot of driving involved in everything. Things are very spread out. Stores that I am used to visiting in one trip are across town from each other. Out here, that's a lot of miles on the car. Out here, there is a whole lot of waiting at stop lights.

I have noticed that there are enough dining establishments of one sort or another to fill several weeks of eating out with very few repeats. I would guess that means that people cook less out here, but the grocery store concentration is also very high. There seem to be more than the average number of Walgreens as well.

First Day of Fourth Grade

Today was Chris's first day of Fourth grade. He did not want his picture taken this morning. :)

State Fair Time

It is State Fair time again! We went to the Illinois State Fair yesterday. Yes, I know, I live in Missouri, but I always go to the Illinois Fair. Crazy!

The Butter Cow's webcam is still up and running. The 4-H kid showing the Butter Cow creeped us out a little bit.


There was only one litter of piglets in the furrowing center this year, but we actually got to pet the runt. *cute* I just love piglets!


We met my parents at the Ethnic Village to watch Beth dance, but we got interrupted by a sudden downpour.

Although the dancing was brought to a halt, the pipers stayed on stage and continued to pipe right through the weather.

We all ran for cover and huddled under the plastic covers.

Unfortunately, the stage got too wet, so that was the end of the dancing for the evening. Everyone knows Scots can't dance in the rain...

We split off from my family and went to watch a few classes of the Society Horse Show. There was a mechanical bull outside the Coliseum, and Chris just had to try it out. He did really well! It was so cute and funny to see him up there making funny faces and holding on so tight with his little legs :-D

The Squishy Stuff Hit the Fan

Today at the Squishy Place, a formal announcement came down that in a few months' time, smoking will no longer be allowed on company property. Not outside, not in your car in the parking lot; N.O.W.H.E.R.E. It hasn't yet been a full year since I quit smoking, so I am very much on the fence in this debate. I understand where the company owners are coming from, and I really don't dispute their right to chose to ban tobacco products from their property. Noone disputes the fact that alcohol is a legal product that has no place in the work environment, and the management feels that tobacco falls into the same category. Despite what every smoker thinks, nicotine actually does impair concentration, and I can tell you without any question that it is a mood altering drug. The company is very freely offering financial support to those smokers who wish to quit. I don't necessarily feel that they are in the wrong to clearly state what they will and will not allow on their property.

However, I remember very clearly what the physical dependence on the nicotine is like. I don't envy the smokers one bit. They are of legal age, and using a completely legal product. I don't think we're going to see much indoor smoking anymore anywhere, but I don't really have a problem with designated smoking areas outside. As long as it doesn't start cutting into the work day, taking a smoke break or two really shouldn't be an issue. Non-smokers take restroom breaks. We all have to make occasional personal calls during business hours. In this case, there is an hour's paid lunch each day that we can use as we see fit. I think that they are going to simply clock out for five minutes at a time and cross the street for their smoke breaks. It would be more accomidating if the company provided a covered area with trash cans, but I know the smokers will find a way to work around the ban. If all else fails, they can find a place to work where they won't have to put up with being discriminated against for their chosen legal activity. This seems like a calculated risk on the company's part, because there are some people who are very good at what they do who are up in arms over this issue and they may wind up losing some valuable people in the long run.

I am too new to chime in much on the subject, other than to tell the smokers that I don't envy them, and to tell the non-smokers that this is yet another reason that I'm glad to have quit.

Things are coming together around here

At least it is starting to look a little bit like an occupied building ;)

My flowers look nice out on the patio. They aren't grouped as tightly together here, so I think I am going to rearrange my planting scheme for next year. It is too late in the year to do anything about it for this year. I may put some mums out by the front door in about six weeks or so.


This is the new dining room table my parents bought for us as a house-warming gift.

Oh, I'm still alive

And you're singing a Pearl Jam song now, aren't you?

I am so exhausted! Everything fit into one truckload on Saturday, we got it all physically into the new apartment by 4:00, and we've been working fairly constantly ever since.

It feels very nice to sit down for a few minutes, even though I really am doing actual work in other windows as I type this. I hope the other windows hurry with their work, because what I really need tonight is actual sleep.

When there are a few fewer boxes sitting out, I'll upload some pictures of the new place. It is bigger. There are two bathrooms. There are two walk-in closets!

Busy, Busy, Busy

Between my new job and packing, I've had very little time to play with this big white box. So far the job is going well. There is a lot to absorb, but I think I'm getting it. It isn't that bad. Hopefully things will keep going like they have been.

We've got Chris's room all packed up, most of the living room, and nothing from the kitchen, our bedroom, or the bathroom. Eek! I feel like I've been filling up boxes for eons, and I still have soooo much to do.

The computer is going to be boxed up soon - probably tomorrow night. I haven't arranged for new internet service yet either - eek! More work to do! I guess this means that I may be offline for a while.

Pie

What do you do with eighteen cups of blackberries? Make pie, of course!

Here's my not quite as beautiful as I'd like, but delicious nonetheless blackberry pie:


(No store bought crusts for me, that's why they're not perfectly pretty.)

Farm Living Is the Life for Me

Or at least farm visiting. I didn't realize that I had not yet taken Dennis on a grand tour of my Aunt & Uncle's farm near Prairietown, Illinois. I had been telling him about picking blackberries though, and we wanted to meet up with my Mom and Chris before they left for Indiana for a few days, so we decided to kill a few birds with one stone by heading over there for the evening.

First we stood around petting Commanche and Star for a while. Dennis is a little shy around horses, but he likes them. 'Manche is too sick to ride, so we just talked to them and smashed a few horse flies. Then we headed out to the cow pasture to get blackberries. I did not realize that Dennis has never ridden a four wheeler before, so I had to teach him and remember to not run off without him.

We picked about 300 yards of brambles along the back pasture fence. There were berries everywhere. These are the serious kind, with deadly thorns that reach out and grab your arms and legs, and sometimes swing around behind you and smack you across the back. I always thought that a little bit of blood makes the berries taste sweeter. We wound up with about eighteen cups (a gallon plus a little) worth of them. (I didn't measure how many they ate before they could get into the buckets.)



The next stop was the cow herd. They've taught the cows to come when they are called by feeding them day-old bread. We hollered the secret code word ("Dolly, Dolly, Dolly") and the whole herd came rambling over, headed by the new red Limousine bull. We were hand feeding them hamburger buns for about half an hour. You can even reach out and pet the bull on the nose after he scoops the bread out of your hand with his tongue. There were two babies that were just a few days old, and as cute as can be. We got on the same side of the fence as the herd, and walked among them. It was really cool. This is a new trick, the bull they had when I was in High School would have killed you if you tried this. He ran me up onto more than one hay bale in his time. I definately like the new bull a whole lot better.

We ended the night by eating at the Village Drive In in Bunker Hill. It is right next door to the apartment my Greatgrandma used to live in with her canaries, and right down the street from the Catholic church where we used to have all of our family reunionis. The food is very good, and very cheap. *yum*

C'mon little Squishy...

Today was my first day on the job at the Squishy Place. I am fairly certain that I can do my job. It is just going to be a matter of getting the jargon, pricing structure, and details into my brain. (And getting them to stay there!) I know exactly what the difficult part is going to be, and I know that the only thing that can get me through it is time and experience. I'm allowing myself mistakes. I know they are going to happen.

I don't know if I will ever be a superstar at this. I also don't really want the job that this position ultimately grows into. Maybe I can leap-frog it ;)

Home Sweet? Home

My ten year High School Reunion was last night. I did not go. I didn't feel like paying $34 to see people I just don't really care about. Sorry.

I did go to Litchfield though. I took Dennis to Party in the Park. We rode carnival rides, ate pork patties, and had the best lemon shake-ups in the whole wide world.

Nana

I've just finished Emile Zola's Nana. It is not really shocking now, but I certainly understand how shocking it would have been in 1880. The first thought I had was that Paris must have terrified respectable ladies everywhere in the 19th century. I immediately thought of Henry James's The Ambassadors and his depiction of Parisian excess. I believe that Henry James hated Emile Zola's naturalistic style. The pairing would have made for an excellent term paper, if I were an energetic English major.

Then I thought of Tolstoy's Anna Karenina. Her drive to excess and social ruin was paralleled nicely by Nana's. Two ruined women, and the incessant, moralizing social commentary of two "stodgy old men." Hrmph. Of course this made me think of Virginia Woolf's Orlando. Cross-dressing and lesbianism. Juicy! Orlando in counterpoint to the other novels. Fodder for another paper!

I was amused by the accidental placement of Moll Flanders and Nana in order on my reading list. Nana is an utterly disagreeable character in the end, devoid of any real human emotion. In stark contrast to my favorable impression of Moll Flanders. Both novels carry the question of proto-feminism with them. Is resorting to prostitution the only way for women to exhibit any power at all in a patricharcial society? Is the power of women only vested in their youth and good looks? Is it wrong for a woman to use her sexuality when it is the only card she has to play? Are the male authors wrong for refusing to give women any other power at all? Are they justified in highlighting the folly of men (society) in this way? What does it say about women? In my mind, these two are better off than the silly heroines of the Romantic period that fell squarely between the two works.

I was impressed with Zola's writing. I'm sure the novel is exceedingly beautiful in French, if I could read just it. I am interested in details like the inner workings of a Paris theater. I was enthralled by the description of the horse races. I like this style of writing because I am not distracted by the details. I think I prefer it to Henry James. I do like that it is more complex than Defoe. Of course I believe we've come around to another period of "naturalism" with our reality TV driven world.

Mom is the hardest job of all.

What children take from us, they give…We become people who feel more deeply, question more deeply, hurt more deeply, and love more deeply. -Sonia Taitz

Chris and I went to Six Flags to play at Hurricane Harbor for a while yesterday afternoon. It was our 'last day of summer' as he is gone today with his Dad (he left early this weekend for his Aunt Mary's wedding), we have plans to spend the day Monday shopping for school clothes and supplies, and I start my new job Tuesday. He's going to spend two weeks with my parents, then we are moving, then he's got a week of YMCA camp in St. Charles, then he's off to school. Already. Yesterday was the last real day of our summer off together.

Children might or might not be a blessing, but to create them and then fail them was surely damnation. -Lois McMaster Bujold

I was up so late last night in tears. Really sobbing. It was miserable. Frankly, I'm not in much better shape right now. I feel like I used to when Chris was a tiny baby, and I'd sit up with him in the middle of the night holding him and trying hard to cry silently as he nursed himself back to sleep. I knew those nights were precious and would be a distant memory all too soon. I'm immersed in a deep sense of loss. I don't just feel that yesterday was our last day of this summer. I feel the weight of the things we should have done, the weight of the days we didn't interact at all, the weight of the days we didn't set foot outside of the apartment. I don't know that I'll ever have another entire summer off to spend with my son. I don't know that he would appreciate it if I did. I hate to think that I've squandered the age of eight. I am not sure when boys make the turn into nasty adolescents, but I know it happened to me at twelve. God, what I wouldn't do to have another day, another week, a time warp - something! I wish our whole summer could have been spent in the same sense of discovery and family that we had during our camping trip.

The central struggle of parenthood is to let our hopes for our children outweigh our fears. -Ellen Goodman

This really is tough. I'm the mother of an only child, so he gets to bear all of my hopes and fears, all of my anxiety and joy, and of course, all of my maternal love.

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. -Mark Twain

Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

I took Chris to see Charlie and the Chocolate Factory this afternoon. I honestly did not expect anything other than a good movie from Tim Burton and Johnny Depp. I enjoyed seeing another of Burton's frequent flyers, Helena Bonham Carter, as Mrs. Bucket. She carried a hint of Marla Singer with her, which just added to the general oddness of the movie. (Unlike in Big Fish, where she was completely transformed.) In the end, it is a movie based on a children's book.

It Pours. (When it Rains)

I got a callback for a second interview at the place that I was certain hated me. I am not supposed to hear back from them until Tuesday of next week, the day I am scheduled to start at the Squishy place. I am torn. I hope they call, but I also hope they don't call.

I think that the not-bombed interview place would ultimately be a better employer. I think that the Squishy place will not value and respect me nearly as much. But I also think that the not-bombed place may push just a little harder than I am really ready for. If they do call, I may duck out on the Squishy place. Especially if they call sooner than Tuesday. If I've already started and signed paperwork, I don't know if I will leave or not. The day-to-day details of the two jobs are relatively similar, but I will be processing payroll at the second place as well, which is absolutely a transferable skill that I am looking to put on my resume. The second place will most likely offer the dollar I talked myself out of asking for at the Squishy place. I do not have details of their benefits package yet, so I can't compare them. It is out of my hands right now anyway. I think it is a decision I will make on the spur of the moment based on what feels right. If they call, that is.

And I shall call him Squishy

Apparently the strife of the last few days over job-hunting, and my general employability, were the birthing pains of a new career. Yesterday, I was offered a job in an entirely different department that the one I had interviewed for. It sounded like a lot more work, and more difficult work at that, for about the same amount of money.

I felt low-balled. I felt uneasy. I think a lot of it is residual burn from my last situation. I slept on it.

I told Dennis I would not take it for less than X per hour. I had revised my figure down one whole dollar by this morning, and called them with my decision.

They fudged over the number. Still. After I'd come down a whole dollar.

I think $2000 per year means a lot more to the employee than it does to the employer.

Then they offered it to me for the price I was asking. I took it.

In actuality, I do need the money - yesterday. This is a whole dollar more than I made the last time I was working full time. With benefits. And there is a company match on the 401K. And I think I was hired into the department I would have been moving up into.

What is up with the title? My new employer shall be known as "The Squishy Place." Suffice it to say the main product is something specifically designed to be squished. It is a squishy business. I hope that the nature of the product will lend itself to an enjoyable environment. I think I may already have a friend in the receptionist.