I am still very bug-eyed about the engagement. I am very glad that there is no date set. I did not feel this agitated when the discussion was hypothetical. Now that it is real, all kinds of memories, anxieties, and fears are being dredged up. I didn't know that I would feel so uneasy about it. I know that I love Dennis, and I know that he is the guy I am supposed to wind up with, and I am not afraid of our relationship getting ruined. I am scared of that M word though. I don't think that I believe in marrying for love anymore. I don't know what a second marriage means for me. I don't know what marriage means to Dennis. We're talking about it. We're playing around with the idea. We'll get it sorted out, I know, but right now I am a little uncomfortable.
So we went ring shopping today.
I walked straight out of The Shane Co. Too crowded, too stuffy, and it was freezing cold in there too. Nevermind. It felt just like a crypt.
I looked at rings in Sears while Dennis tried on work pants.
I took Dennis to Kay Jewelers and let him take the full heat of the high-pressure sales people while I acted disinterested. Then I told the salesman who would not leave me alone that the last ring I got there broke, but I didn't bring it back because the marriage failed anyway. He still tried to sell around that. I got up and walked right out of the store. Dennis wasn't far behind, but he did get talked into taking a card and a Kay's special bridal magazine. He won't have to go through a lot of the traditional wedding experiences, but I thought that he should at least get a taste. I was amused.
We wound up at Jared at the Mills. I liked it there. I like a ring they have there. I know that I want this style. We looked at it with a center stone we can't afford, but I know that this is the general idea that I'm after.