Proof!

Love by ruby mae
Your name
Your partner
You two are	In love
Your meeting was by	Chance
They are your	Hero
You are their	Shining star
Your love will	Stay alive

Yeah, so it is a lame Quiz. But it is proof that we were meant to be, right? meepmeep

Now I must sing, "You're a shinig star, no matter who you are."

Me, Excited?

Yeah, so today I found something to be excited about.

The entire new Nine Inch Nails album is up on MySpace. Now I am not one of those aging Goths, but I do enjoy my Trent. I got excited when we were in New Orleans, standing in front of his house, and I saw that he had those solid brass turtle lawn sprinklers. Admitting this makes me feel like a stalker!

I do not enjoy listening to streaming audio on our dial-up connection. I wish I could download it in my spare time. Haha! That's a great reason to get back to work - free high speed access to the net.

Up to Date

Everything back to Wednesday, March 23, 2005 (Southpark pictures) was updated today. I didn't take any pictures of anything that happened in the past month. I spent two weeks under the weather.

Neglecting my Blog

I have not been Blogging. I've been (am) really depressed. I don't want to say how depressed, but suffice it to say that I've got absolutely nothing positive to Blog about whatsoever. I didn't see much point in turning this into a huge seething pit of misery.

I'm going to go back and fill in a few things though. Hooray!

Shrooming

I went up to Litchfield this morning to mushroom hunt with my parents. We ate some lunch, then took all three dogs out to the lake. After not too long looking, we found a really big cache of morels. I also found a box turtle who may have been mushroom hunting too. S/he was closed up tightly when I found her/him. I bet the dogs scared her/him.

We found a few more after that, then I ran out of gas. My lungs were burning after we walked up the hill to the parking lot. Ouch. The cold I had kicked my butt.

I got home and sauteed some mushrooms for Dennis. He says they're "good", but he's "not crazy about them." I think they need to grow on him.

Angry Fishing

Dennis took us out to Busch Wildlife today to fish. Everything made me extremely angry, and I refused to enjoy myself until after we'd eaten lunch and only had about 20 minutes left to fish. Blah.

We still have not caught a damn thing. We are not good at fishing!

Sick

I've been sick. I had a fever starting on Saturday afternoon and lasting right through Monday evening. I still don't feel good.

Fishing

I took Chris fishing yesterday at Suson Park. We didn't catch a darn thing. I started to feel kinda gross in the afternoon, so I brought us home to rest. Dennis spent the whole day at a NRA pistol course. I feel like crap, but we are going out to Suson Park again in a few minutes to take Dennis fishing.

We're so cute

You can make your own South Park characters at Planerarium. This is old news, of course.

This is me:


Dennis, in his Huebel "uniform":



And of course Chris with his new "hair-do":

That's a little Better

Wow, I lost my job Monday, sent out some resumes Tuesday, and got a call back on Wednesday. I could have an interview by the end of the week.

I'm so nervous. Apparently my judgement is just terrible when it comes to picking situations for myself. Eeeep!

Blame it on March

March has always been a bad month for me.

I don't know why I haven't yet realized that this crappy month really isn't a whole lot different from any other March. Nothing good happens in March. I have very bad March karma.

At least I didn't spend most of the month worrying about it being March. It's almost over now. There's only about a million more bad things that could happen.

I shall now retreat to my secret underground lair. (I wish I had one of these!)

Argh, Hindsight

I knew my job sucked, I always knew I did not fit well there, and I knew Peggy was is and always will be a complete unpleasable biatch.

I said so in June.

I said it again in July.

I bitched about being unhappy in August.

I just mentioned the random bitchiness two weeks ago.

When Dennis came home and I told him I was laid off, I got even more upset. I feel like such a loser. I've never been let go before. It wasn't even for anything I'd done wrong. I can see firing an airline pilot who wrecks planes. She said, "Your work is good," as she was doing it.

Maybe 27 years is high time to feel this bad.

#F@(L!%*V$!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just got canned. I should have seen this coming. I know I did, if I think about it. I didn't do anything "wrong," but I still feel like shit. This could have come at a worse time, but not by much.

Avoid Working at This Place









Booohiss

Easter Eggs & Elk

We dyed our Easter Eggs today, since Chris will be in Indiana for Easter this year.



Then we went for a quick road trip down I-44. Dennis almost made us run out of gas *teehee. Then we went to Robertsville State Park. There isn't a whole lot there, unless you have a boat, in which case there is access to the Meramec River.



Then we came back up to St. Louis County and Lone Elk Park.

We saw Elk:



Bison:



Whitetail Deer:



Crazy Cream Soda Drinking Children:



(Leave him alone, he's "growing his hair out.) :)


I'm struggling with allergy medicine again this spring. It knocks me on my butt until I get used to taking it, but I can't really go without it anymore either. I was really out of it for most of the day.

Yum

Oh yeah, I forgot to write anything about Dennis's birthday cake! I made it last night. It's a two layer chocolate cake, the filling is chocolate cream cheese icing with chunks of chopped up real chocolate in it, and iced with chocolate cream cheese icing. We went ahead and cut it this evening. It turned out really, really tasty. I'm really proud of it :) This is the first year I've made his b-day cake too.






It isn't the most beautiful thing in the world, but it tastes soooooo gooooood. I didn't have enough icing this time around, because my math was off for 9" round pans.

St. Patrick's

I didn't do much for St. Patrick's Day this year. I'm not even making corned beef & cabbage until tonight. I did wear my green wool jacket while I was running all over creation though.

I was on a mission to get Dennis's birthday presents today. He wanted some Nikon 8 x 40 binoculars and a Cold Steel Master Hunter knife. I got the binocs here in south county, but I had to make a run out to Grand Prairie Knives in Troy, Illinois for the knife. Then I had to run from there over to St. Charles to pick Chris up from school.

I managed to fit in grocery shopping at the Schuncks out there and kept all of the cold stuff cold in our cooler too. Yea... :)

Chris came back to our apartment for a while, we ate and hung out most of the evening. I couldn't handle the suspense, and I let Dennis open his presents open early. He really liked them :)

Then we all went up to Paul's apartment to wait for Jenn to get off of work. Paul is out of town for the weekend. We were up late last night *yawn*

Super Smokers

Today is my Dad's 50th birthday. We met my parents, my sister, and Mike Morgan at Super Smokers for lunch. It was really good, as usual.

We got him a "Vintage Since 1955" T-shirt, some gag-gift Old Pills, and some multi-colored whole pepper corns. I think he liked it.

No time for Blogging

I'm much too busy playing GT4. Help, I am addicted!

It's all Relative

Apparently Dennis is related to the Kaskaskia Island Dozas. His Great-grandfather, Almont, came from either on the island or from St. Mary's. DJ thinks that Almont's father is listed incorrectly in someone else's version of the family tree, so there could be something going on with the parentage there. We've found Almont's wife Gertrude's side of the family online. Dennis's uncle Mike looked into the geneology at some point, and had discovered a link to Sgt. York. There is a Lincoln (yeah, that one) link back on the island. There were relatives on the island / at the Fort for the Revolutionary War. The family is definately French.

It's neat that what Dennis found depressing at first sight has turned out to be so interesting. DJ has an old break action shotgun of Almont's, and an old black pot that belonged to Gertrude. It would be neat for Dennis to connect all of the dots. I hope he keeps talking to his parents about all of this stuff.

His uncle Mike has moved up to Joplin, and we're supposed to see that side of the family again around Easter. Maybe we'll find out more then.

Dozaville

We've seen a little blip on the DeLorme Gazetteer called "Dozaville" a few times. It always caught my eye because his last name is Doza. It's by Ste. Genevieve, and we're on that page fairly often. It's actually in Illinois, on Kaskaskia Island. We ran down through Waterloo, where we stopped off at Rural King. Then we headed down to Chester. We went down the back road right along the river from Fort Kaskaskia to Menard. Eeep, prison! It's a really awesome looking thing place though.

We had some trouble finding it once we got on the island, but there it was. It's, um, small. Dennis said it depressed him. It isn't much to look at, I agree, but I don't think he understands what it means to live on an island that floods like that.

A little more research makes it seem that a trip to the cemetery we saw would not be a bad idea. It seems that the Doza family goes back on the island into the 1700s. I'd be interested in finding out a whole lot more.

The Worst Employee Ever

I must be the worst employee ever. I had to take Wednesday off for Dennis's Grandma's funeral. No problem, I came in on my normal Thrusday day off. And was I ever in trouble!!! I could feel the seething anger, so I slinked and didn't speak.

Then I had to say at the last minute that I had to be late Friday morning because I had something to do at Chris's school. Of course I didn't get in until right before 9:00. There were three things that needed to be rushed, and she called at about 9:05 really pissed.

Blah. Like she's ever even in on Fridays. Yeah.

Don't care.

:)

Funeral, Dennis's Family, Shooting Hurts

Dennis was sorta nervous about going to his Grandma's funeral. His family doesn't always get along, and they don't see each other often. He hadn't seen his Grandma for a while either.

Nobody acted horribly while I was around. I have a big family, so it actually put me in a pretty good mood when everyone congregated at DJ & Cathy's house afterwards.

We had some time off in the afternoon, so we went shooting. I shot a stupid .223 and hurt my shoulder because I wasn't holding it right. I figured out that the benches at Henges hit me right in the boob, and there is no good way for me to get comfy sitting at them. I need to bring a phonebook to sit on next time.

:(

Dennis's Grandma died.

RALLY RALLY RALLY

We spent the whole day chasing rally cars and getting Dennis's car good and muddy at the 100 Acre Wood Rally in southern Missouri.



This is Lion's Park in Potosi, which is one of our favorite places to watch the cars because you can see them go all the way around the little gravel road in the park. It's neat. The Lion's had cooked up some awesome chili and hamburgers too.

It was fun, the weather was so nice, and the event was much more on time. There were also a lot more "authority figures" which sucked...

...and nothing bad happened at all...

We took Chris to Henges shooting range today. At first there was a guy next to us with a .45 that was so loud, it made Chris cry. Then some guys next to us were shooting a Garand, so Chris wanted to start shooting our .22 rifle. He did, and he did well, and he liked it.

Dennis was really uptight about it all along, but it wound up being OK once we gave Chris a chance.

EEEE-diot Holidays

Valentine's Suck-o-Matic. Not in the good way :(

I made dinner, Penne w/ Vodka cream sauce, yummy salad, yummy chocolate dessert, real whipped cream. It was good! We had P'Sghetti's good bread to go with it.

Then I got a headache and went to bed.

Dennis was sad. I was crabby and sleepy.

He did laundry.

Blah.

Blah.

Boring.

I got him a "sappy" card. He says it is the first non-funny, non-animal card I've ever gotten for him. It says something like, "If I had it to do over, I'd find you sooner so I could love you longer." (Hey, there is humor there, "Me love you long time." He just didn't get it...) He got me a card that was pukee as well, some cupcakes, and a car wash card. Yeah, Valentine's Day is a top priority around here!

Well, I am going to make it up to him today ;)

Happy Appletime

I made it to Chris's Valentine's Day party at his school! I just had to tell him "Happy Appletime" in person. I guess Paul's phone is disconnected?

Anyway, I'm in a hurry, why the hell am I online? I am supposed to be cooking dinner.

There is no squirrel

Well, it was an absolutely gorgeous day, and the weather was fine for a nice hike in the woods. Right? Sure, but if you happen to be squirrel hunting, and see NO squirrels in the woods, it sucks! Seriously, I had a great time again. But the squirrels are all in the neighborhood, not out in the boonies. *grr* We did have a nice long conversation with a yellow bellied flicker though. It sounded a lot like a grey squirrel, so we stalked it. Nope, just a bird. LOL!

I shot Dennis's .22 at a "Bubba Cola" can as consolation.

It WAS a beautiful day.

Weepy

I'm having one of those wonderous days that women sometimes have, when everything in the world is worthy of tears. I worked hard not to cry while making dinner. It's just hormones. So, of course, I finished Madame Bovary today, and now I'm watching Slavery and the Making of America on PBS tonight. *bawl*


*sniffle*

Huuuuuuuuuuuuuh.

Dennis keeps breathing gross, deep "huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh" breaths on me. Around me. In the apartment.

He's trying to make noise with a turkey call.

Lord, will it ever end?

Sweepstakes Win

I won a Third Prize from Walgreens. First Prize was $10,000 for Chris's college fund. I got a $100 Walgreens Gift Card.

This is what $100 will get you at Walgreens:


Almay Eye Makeup Remover - $4.69
Maybelline Wet Shine Lip Gloss - $5.99
Loreal Colour Juice Lip Gloss - $7.49
Almay Bright Eyes Mascara - $7.49
Almay Eye Liner - $6.99
Hallmark Greeting Cards (6) - $5.94
Swab Plus Dental Whitening System - $14.99 (lost $3.00)
Reach Fluoride Floss - $2.99
Oral B Toothbrush (2) - $5.58
OB Tampons (2) - $13.98
Olay Daily Facials Refill - $5.99
Listerine - $6.99

There was a SAVE $3.00 NOW thing on the front of the tooth whitener, but I forgot about it. I also wanted to get a 6 pack of Caress soap, but forgetting the coupon put me over $100, so I put it back. I wish I would have remembered it. It was pretty fun, and I like my lip gloss. That was the one thing I kept thinking about while I waited for my gift card to get here.

Laissez les bons temps rouler!

I've been watching Mardi Gras on Nola.com's webcams. Every year this makes me itchy to get back to New Orleans. I'm also considering trying to drag Dennis down to the Fat Tuesday Parade tonight.

It seems foreign that the parade is going down Washington Avenue instead of through Soulard, but it is exciting that it seems to be catching on, I guess? Except that it becomes less fun and "secret," and more like everything else that gets popular in St. Louis. By that I mean white bread, strictly enforced, overcrowded, overhyped, and bound to make you feel inferior somehow. The biggest concern becomes where to park instead of how much fun it is going to be. When we first started going to Soulard Mardi Gras, Tuesday was the "big" day, and we couldn't convince anyone else from school to come with us. I still don't really understand doing Fat TUESDAY on Saturday, but whatever. I'm also not a huge fan of Washington Avenue anymore. It caught on in that damn exclusivist way too. It used to be a thrill just to go there, but now it's just another place to encounter velvet ropes.

I need to stop complaining and just listen to the weather forecast. Maybe it will be fun to go tonight if it really does snow!

Squirrel Hunting

I have officially gone hunting!

Dennis and I went out in the woods behind his parent's house today. I had a 20 gauge, and he had his new .22 rifle. (And his silly Bi-Fur-Pod, which I refuse to call anything but "shooting sticks.") It started raining when we were still at the car getting the rifle out of its case. Squirrels apparently sleep in their nests during showers. We tromped around, I shot twice at a Bud Light can so I could see what the gun was like, I learned how to load and unload and work the action on it with cold, wet hands. We sat for about 45 minutes on one hill crest that was ringed with oaks and about four squirrel nests. Dennis saw something poke its head out of one of the nests, but that was about it. I had a good time anyway. We just got finished breaking the guns down and cleaning them all out.

Mardi Gras Parade

UGH!

This year Soulard Mardi Gras was a total bust. Dennis is working on his Dad's truck today, so it was just Chris and myself. We got down there in pleanty of time. We parked across the highway just a little south of Gus's Pretzels. It was a long walk across 55 on Arsenal, through the brewery, and then up Broadway. We stopped right at the end of the parade route, and set ourselves up on a nice spot of fence. There was a good 10' hole when we got there.

Some people began to gather around us. Then right at 11:00, the Harley's came through. A woman and two girls came to stand by us, and the girls managed to scoot my polite son all the way down the fence to a group of drunk young women. I tried to convince Chris to be a little "mean" but he just didn't get the whole spot-staking concept yet. Oddly, one of the little girls recognized me from hunter's education last weekend. How strange is that?

We waited and waited and waited, still in a fairly big hole, about an hour and fifteen minutes for the parade to finally come. Then a huge push of people swarmed around us. A tall guy behind me kept hitting me in the head. Adults were reaching around and even over Chris. The floats were mostly out of beads, or just weren't throwing them. I caught a few, but I was mostly jostled and I was really worried about Chris. I've taken him to Mardi Gras about six times, and I've NEVER been in such a rude bunch of people. I've never seen the crowd so angry, and I've never felt so grated. It's always been so much fun, and we've always had good luck with finding a little clump of families, who let the kids up to the front and block the more rowdy people like a herd of elephants.

I think it is because the extremely nice weather brought out near record crowds, and we were on the market side of Broadway. We're usually always on the river side. This is also the first year we waited down at the far end, instead of up nearer the market, or by the big curve. I'll go again, but I'll stay on the river side, and hopefully I'll get a chance to bring Dennis down with me to help me corral Chris in a little pocket of safety.

So we left early, bought some Gus's pretzels on the way out, and we're still waiting for Dennis to come home. He said he'd be here about two hours ago...

Hunter Education

I spent my weekend (9 - 4 both days) in hunter education classes. It was a lot of sitting, but now I can hunt in Missouri, and out of state if I wish to. I got a cool hunter orange patch to sew on my jacket (?) and everything!

I also decided that I am going to buy a shotgun. It will be the first gun I've ever owned all by myself. I am sorting through Dennis's reams of gun information, trying to see what I'd like. I am leaning towards a 20 gauge. Hooray :)

Light in August

It took me two whole weeks, plus a few hours, to read this book. It was good, I was just slow, and I kept disengaging from it for some reason. I am still not sure if I am a huge Faulkner fan or not. Something about the slow, hot, dusty South makes me almost bored with him. I remember how exciting the elements were in Ethan Frome. Faulkner's days are so hot and bored.

I started immediately on The Killer Angels by Michael Shaara, which is turning out to be incredible, and I am positive that I will have it finished before it's due at the library Friday.

NO Wine Blogging Wednesday

My Wine Blogging Wednesday wine was a total bust! Dammit!

I got a bottle of "HRM Rex-Goliath 47 Pound Rooster Free Range? Central Coast Merlot" from World Market. We didn't open it until Monday night. It was totally corked. Yuck, it tasted just like rubbing alcohol. No amount of cooling / heating / sitting around was going to help this dead duck.

I poured the big cock down the drain. I really wanted to be one of the cool kids this month too. Too bummed for words.

Whoa, a date?

We went to see Larry the Cable Guy. We were absolutely dead center, in the front row. My neck still hurts from looking so far up it was almost backwards at Larry. It was miserably cold last night, with a horrible wind whipping around downtown. Yuck!

We got stuck in the parking garage. Thanks, asshats, learn how to drive! (Yes, that means you, every dipshit in Missouri who didn't take driver's ed...)

But after that we went to Bartolino's South and ate dinner. We waited, the bar was overflowing, so we were basically stuck in the coat room. I didn't mind, because I was fondling some old woman's drop-dead gorgeous mink the whole time. Just before we were seated, someone came and was helped into her full-length Dior fox. Hubba hubba, what a coat! I really, really like fur on other people :)

We dressed up, but of course not in full-length Dior foxes. It was fun, and now that I think about it, it was actually our most officially "dateish" date. Yeah, I've know Dennis for 2 1/2 years, and we're finally dating. Hehe! Yeah, and the food was delish too!

I'm so not Emo

Thanks, Beth.

I am 16% Emo.

Okay... so I'm not emo at all.. I am probably not even goth, because goths are just messed up emo kids... I am probably a metal head... or into boy bands...

Take the
Emo Test
@ FualiDotCom

I'm so not into boy bands, so I must be a metal head. Well, they make a test for that too :)

I am 68% Metal Head.

I rock just as hard as the rest of the thrash set, except when no ones looking I like to get down with a little "More than a Feeling."

Take the
Metal Head Test
@ FualiDotCom

That's true, but being female has to skew the results a little bit. Except chaning my answer to, "Do you want to go to a Def Leppard concert just to see Rick Allen's stump?" to yes pushes me up to 71%. Def Leppard is NOT that kind of metal. They're a boy band of their era. The guys who wore wrestling pants and thought they looked good rocked to Def Leppard. The real metal heads wore tight jeans. I remember. Oh lord, or if you were lucky, leather pants.

More loudness

I took my sister to the Point's local show thing over at Pop's last night. She got sick, and we wound up leaving at 8:30. Only one of the bands was "good" - that would be 17 & 7. I <3 their guitar player. Hehe. I still can't believe how happy and outgoing and talkative the kids these days are! Beth made a friend, and some guys talked to us in a non-threatening manner.


Pilfered from Eep's stlpunk profile:

Getting To Know You by Hatchetman
Name
Happiness Level: 7%
Intellegence Level: 63%
Ideal Male Mate	Tom Arnold
Ideal Female Mate	Pamela Anderson
Sexual Skill	Sextacular
Alcohal	Just give you a beer and you'll be fine
Smoke	You don't smoke
Date of Death	December 11, 2061
Life After Death?	You will never die
Ideal Job	Sports Player
Your New Name	Mary Jane
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Where are the pictures?

I used to put so many pictures up in my blog. What happened? I was even putting up pictures in September, when I'd just quit smoking. I definately did in August. I am going to try to take more pictures. There is going to be a hole in the 2005 album if I don't get on it :)

Some days I don't want a title

I finished reading Jane Eyre yesterday. There are very few books that make my "will read again" list. This one does. It's so good. *sigh* It makes me want to be swept off of my feet. Dennis must have gotten 50 extra hugs last night.

I read Inherit the Wind before Jane Eyre. I believe that I had read it before at some point in my life, but I didn't remember it by title. I can't remember when that might have been tough.

I am braind dead right now because I just exercized with a little bit of a sore stomach. D'oh!

I forgot just how much fun this is!

I just love looking for jobs. Oh what fun!

NOT!

It sucks so much just finding something I'm interested in. No wonder I'm not going anywhere in life. I need to become more financially motivated. If I *really wanted* more money, I'd probably have a much easier time looking for work. LOL. Who knew I didn't even like money?

(Not that I'm rich and have everything I want. I just happen to be good at making do with what I have, and I'm not starving or freezing, so what else do I need? Everything else is extra.)

Home Improvement

I have a wine glass holder now!



It took Dennis and I a while to figure out exactly how we wanted to mount it, then a while longer to argue over who was going to get to play with the power tools :)

Oh, then we had to "discuss" what to do with the leftover screw points that were sticking up into the cabinet.

Done. Functional. Beautiful. Hooray!

Eh, why not?

I ordered Carmen Electra's Aerobic Striptease from Barnes and Noble today. What more can I say than I saw it on Ellen this morning.

I also ordered the new U2 album at the same time to qualify for free shipping. This is the first CD I've purchased since the recording industry starting acting like a 900-pound gorilla about music downloading. I feel a little guilty about it, but I did pay less than $10 for it too. My boycott isn't over. I can't think of any other artists I like enough to buy their albums anyway. Shame on me for being so weak about free shipping though! BOGO is marketing genius!

Nothing to do with tsunamis?

I'm eating a Thai Kitchen Noodle Cart that I happened to pick up at some point along the way. I got Pad Thai. It's good. Of all of the darn things, it's good. Same comfort level as Ramen noodles, but not as salty and icky.

"Thai Kitchen single serve Noodle Carts are a quick and convenient way to satisfy your craving for a Thai stir-fry style noodle style dish without having to go to a Thai restaurant. Just add boiling water or microwave, drain the water, toss with the enclosed seasonings and enjoy. These noodles cook fast - in their own tray. Ready in approximately 4 minutes. Fork included."

Yes, fork included, which makes this even better than Ramen noodles, because you've got to track down a bowl and utensils for Ramen.

Now of course this brings the tsunamis back to the front of my mind. I was just thinking about the unbelievable disruption, even to everyday processes like eating noodles. Even the relatively unaffected are affected. Sometimes the little things are just as moving as the big scary death toll numbers everyone keeps hitting us over the head with.

I found my vino, etc.

I'm excited because I've found my Wine Blogging Wednesday wine for January. Whoo-hoooo! I'm not going to give it away yet, but it is a $6.00 Merlot from a wacky-named winery.

I also took books back to the library and got more, DVDs back to Blockbuster and got more, bought some actual glass champange flutes for tonight, and aired up my new tires. Yea!

Hmmm, I'm back to my reading list finally! Frankenstein was quite good, I started out liking The Idiot a whole lot, but got consufed and bored about 3/4 of the way through and quit - I completely stopped caring about the characters, so I just stopped picking it up. That's when I really quit reading for a long time.

I had to reschedule some of my reading because of Oprah. So I've picked it back up with The Giver, which was a nice piece of jeuvenile sci-fi that I hope Chris reads when he's in 6th or 7th grade. The Good Earth was more rich than I had remembered it from my previous reading in High School. Of course I learned a little of the history of China since then, which made all of the back story much more interesting. I cried real tears at the last three pages of the book. Oprah made a nice choice to follow Anna Karenina for her book club.

So today I picked up Inherit the Wind and Jane Eyre. It seems like I should have read both of these before now. But that's the point of the reading list, so off I go :)

Dennis and I watched "Garden State" last night, and I thought it was excellent! I hope both of today's choices are acceptable to him: Hero and I, Robot. Nothing like action and adventure on New Year's Eve!

Drinking

I opened my wine last night. It is drinkable! Nothing too complex about it. Berries. Not bitter or scary or too big of a flavor. Just ordinary wine that anyone should be able to drink, a good red for women, I think. I got in a bad mood in the middle of it, so I quit drinking. I've got 1/2 a bottle left to get to quickly. Definately worth the price I paid for it, which is saying something.

Now I've got cheap ($8.99) "champagne" to drink tonight - of course it is from California, so it isn't really champagne at all. No sense spending a ton on it, because I think I'll be on my own with it, and I don't think I can dust the bottle off by myself. Scratch that. I don't think I should dust the bottle off by myself. Dennis will taste it though, if he stays awake that long. He's out tromping around in the woods with Koby this morning.

Wine Blogging Wednesday

I want to do this. I am going to. Hooray!

The Cutest Wine

I just found the cutest wine. I'm not sure if it is the best wine, but I couldn't resist it sitting there on the shelf last night.



Awwww, isn't it sweet? The Little Penguin. *melt*

It's another Australian Shiraz. I really enjoyed the last one I had, which was Black Swan Shiraz, which gets "GOLD MEDAL, 2004 PACIFIC RIM WINE COMP. A very appealing wine, the brightly-fruited '02 Black Swan Shiraz exhibits tasteful black fruit and violet flavors; smooth and easy on the palate; delectable!" from BevMo. We had it with DJ's deer roast, and we both found it very appealing.

BevMo says, "86 PTS WILFRED WONG. Subtle, smooth, and succulent, the soundly made '03 Little Penguin Shiraz stays delicious and delectable on the palate; superb with baked game hen in a wine reduction sauce," about the Little Penguin. (BevMo is the only place I can find both wines listed with blurbs.) I've heard blueberries with this one, so I may wind up just drinking it by itself.

I didn't buy it because I thought it would be excellent. I bought it because it has a penguin on the label. Hehe :)

Git-R-Done

Cool. KSHE hooked me up as a result of the concert guest list fiasco on Christmas Day. Now Dennis and I are going to be sitting in the front row, center, for Larry the Cable Guy. I guess we ought to rent his DVD so we know if he's funny or not. I know his parents really liked it when they had it a while back. Thank you Tony B. at KSHE! (I am a litte afraid of the front row at a comedy show though. Eek!)

Back to work

Meh, had to go back to the office today. There wasn't any work. I had Christmas presents waiting for me from Dave Armstrong and Al. Great. Another time nobody bothered to tell me that we'd exchange gifts. Meh, it was a $15 GC to the mall and some Bissenger chocolates. Oops. I never told anyone what holiday I might celebrate, so maybe next year (if I still work there *cough*) I'll give them all latkes and chocolate coins, or maybe "Merry Yule" cards with a little pictures of Mother Nature, Father Time, and the Baby Sun-God on the front.

Dennis and I went out to the Pasta House on my gift certificates. It was great! Then we watched Dodgeball. It wasn't great. LOL.

Barb called and said that the spice bread I made reminded her of her childhood in New England. I'm glad to know I could do that for her. It's almost easier now that we're not related. And, whew, Christmas is over! Hooray!

My son is sweet

After we drove to Troy to drop Beth off, we came home and had a great evening. Chris was so nice and fun to be around. He was an angel when Koby came to visit. We had a blast reading Mad Libs at bedtime. I'm sad he's leaving for Indiana tomorrow. Sometimes being a mom is the BEST thing in the whole world.

How I Wish You Were Here

Boo! Hiss!

The contest I won didn't pan out last night. We rushed home from the Dozas yesterday to meet my sister so I could take her to the El Monstero concert. We drove up to the Pageant, only to find that we were NOT on the guest list as promised. I tried her cell phone, but I couldn't get anyone to answer at the radio station. So we wound up coming home. I sent KSHE an email - well, I sent it to as many email addresses as I could get on their website. We'll see what happens. Grr.

The four of us drove around trying to look for Christmas lights, but I think we wound up taking mostly Jewish roads or something. Still, we wound up having an ok evening at home.

Then overnight I was very sick. My stomach wouldn't stop hurting, and I could not sleep. Finally, around 5:30 in the morning, I finally got the feeling that I was going to throw up. After that, I felt ok and went right to sleep. I pretty much just got up. *yawn* I was up till 2:30 on Thursday, 3:30 on Friday, and 5:30 last night. I've gotta get some sleep!

I Love Christmas

Not dead. Yet.

We were up till 2:30 last night baking cookies. Thursday was a terrible day. Grr.

Chris was very cruel too, in response to my freaking out, I'm sure. I was just about ready to run away for the Holidays. :( This time of year is too hard on me.

Now it is Christmas Eve. Technically, it's Christmas Day, isn't it. *Yawn*

We finished icing the last set of cookies this morning. Then we took off for Litchfield. Listening to Christmas songs on the way up made me cry in the middle of the day. Mom made a very nice German-themed dinner for us. It was good, but because it is soooo freezing outside, the meat cooled off too quickly. LOL. It hasn't been this cold since Beth was born. Brrrr!

The Marfells' Tree:


A good time was had by all. Dennis and Dad disappeared to regions unknown to look at guns, guns, guns. I fell asleep watching TV.

It is super cold tonight, in the low single digits. We're still up working on the finishing touches for Christmas, including building a slot car track. I wonder if we'll just stay up all night...

I Fucking Hate Christmas!

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!

I want to kill my family. I want to burn my Christmas tree. I do not want to sing songs or bake cookies or give gifts to anyone!

I am not doing this next year. Stupid fucking commercial holiday. Fuck you, Christmas.

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you!

Happy Birthday

To my sister. 15. Hahahah! I'm so glad I'm not her.

I had to work this morning, and we're on our way out the door to drive up to Litchfield (again) to eat dinner and give her stuff.


Dennis is having trouble quitting JetCorp. They're being dickheads about everything they possibly can. I'd support him quitting today if that's what he decides to do. I'm also nervous about the new job. I hope everything goes well for him. FWIW, I would never take a job at JetCorp after witnessing how they treat their employees. Screw it.

Not that I'm not catching enough flack at my own job. Peggy has turned back into dragonlady. Everything I do is wrong. Wrong. Wrong. So I don't care anymore. No pleasing the unpleasable, right? Oh, I got a Christmas gift from work too - a $30 gift certificate to Pasta House and an (empty) ceramic snowman cookie jar. I didn't get them anything. I could have, but I didn't. Oops.

Maybe my family doesn't suck?

We had a family get-together today that I thought was going to be absolutely horrible. It wound up being not horrible. I didn't know we were exchanging gifts, so we didn't bring anything. We'd just talked on the 5th about it and we weren't supposed to that day. I wish people would tell us when they change the rules.

Here's the only picture I managed to get of the family (almost all of them, I'm missing a sister, an Aunt, a cousin and her fiance - oops)



Here's Dennis and I in all of our glory :)

Good News Today

Some days are just good.

I won some stuff on the radio today:

"During the 12 Days of Christmas, KSHE 95 will be playing your favorite rock-n-roll Christmas songs and giving you the chance to win a 12 Days of Christmas Schtocking Schtuffer with something for him, something for her and something for both. Be caller 11 between 9am & 5pm when you hear the cue to call and you will get a pair of tickets to the El Monstero show on Christmas, an Aveda gift bag from Studio Branca SalonSpa and a prize from Surdyke Harley Davidson. Each day one grand prize winner gets a $25 gift certificate from Studio Branca SalonSpa and Surdyke Harley Davidson. One grand prize winner from all 12 days gets 4 passes for the KSHE VIP Box and a $200 Studio Branca SalonSpa gift certificate and a Harley Davidson mini fridge from Surdyke Harley Davidson. The El Monstero Wish You Were Here Pink Floyd Tribute is December 23rd, 25th and 26th and tickets are still available for the 25th and 26th at the Pageant box office."

Here's my Harley stuff *giggle*


While I was on the phone with the DJ, Dennis called me at work to let me know that he's definately gotten a new job! (I had to pretty much hang up on him though, hehe.)

Yea, sometimes things work out in your favor no matter what.

It's all different now

Wow, quitting smoking has been quite an experience. I feel like an entirely different person. I am not convinced that I like the new me. I am much more anxious and nervous, and I feel like my fuse is much shorter than it ever was. For a long time, I've been barely able to deal with daily life. I freaked out last week and broke a bunch of dishes in the kitchen. I was so depressed last weekend that Dennis thought Chris should stay with my parents instead of here. I am not having the least little bit of fun with any of it, but hey, at least I can run up a flight of stairs without getting winded.

I also quit working on my reading list, quit sewing my Christmas present projects (so I have none of them done 9 days before Christmas), blah. Basically I've only wanted to lay around and be miserable, and I am lost as to how Dennis has been able to put up with me at all.

So now I'm a whiny depressed blogger. Yea :) But I am working on it. I feel much better this week than I did last week.

In other news, we have our Christmas tree up:

Happy Happy Joy Joy

*happy dance*

The old computer is back! No more nasty laptop! No more missing TAB key! No more craning my neck to see the screen! No more broken Java. No more refusing to open things in a new window.

I'll be able to blog again. Heck, I'll be able to just plain old use the internet again. Ahhhhhh!

Playoff Baseball

My parents took me to the Cardinals game last night. It was awesome! It's been a long time since I've been to a sold out game. I had SRO tickets once in 1998 during the home run race. Before that it was when I was really young and my grandma would take me to Cards / Cubs games on the bus. I believe that the last time was 3rd grade!

It was so loud, the crowd was so enthused, we were up soooo high :) (Section 319, row 19, seat 19)

The Cardinals won 8 - 3 in a very exciting game.

YEA!

Laptopping

C: drive on the desktop is toast. Again. Dennis got us internet access again by hooking up the laptop. It's kinda cool, cause we're using the laptop with the desk monitor & mouse, but it's kinda annoying cause the laptop is old and some keys don't work. Like TAB. I didn't realize how good it was till it was gone. (The TAB key that is...)

Whoring

VOTE FOR MY PUMPKIN PICTURE!

http://www.bhg.com/photocontest/vote.jhtml?entryId=548300001

You can vote up to five times per day. Yes, you have to register to vote, but if you click LOG OFF after you vote, you're unsubscribed.

Smoking is stupid

Smoking is stupid.
Smoking is stupid.
Smoking is stupid.
Smoking is stupid.
Smoking is stupid.
Smoking is stupid.
Smoking is stupid.
Smoking is stupid.
Smoking is stupid.
Smoking is stupid.
Smoking is stupid.
Smoking is stupid.
Smoking is stupid.
Smoking is stupid.
Smoking is stupid.
Smoking is stupid.
Smoking is stupid.
Smoking is stupid.
Smoking is stupid.
Smoking is stupid.
Smoking is stupid.
Smoking is stupid.
Smoking is stupid.
Smoking is stupid.


GAH! I need something to do with my hands.

I've been smoke-free for 10 days, 16 hours, 20 minutes, 39 seconds.
I've been nicotine-free for 7 days, 17 hours, 55 minutes, 51 seconds.

It is still freaking hard! I got very frustrated at someone on the phone today and almost cried. Then I got shaky and sick. Now I am second guessing my trip to my cousin's wedding this weekend. I sure hate to duck out of something that important, but I don't know if I'm up to an entire weekend with Chris, my sister, mother, and aunt, and the whole wedding thing, and the 5 hour drive there and back, and NO DENNIS... Hrm, not sure if it is safe.

I am going to eat something now just in case it is a blood sugar thing. I didn't have a regular lunch today.

Fire Tower Tour

The three of us went on a small expedition this afternoon. Dennis and I found this cool fire tower a little while back on one of our long cruises around Jefferson County. We didn't have time to climb it that day, but we did today :)



I have zero coping skills right now, so I only made it up about four flights before I gave up. I will climb it some day. Just not today.

Dennis and Chris both made it up. What brave boys I have :-D They took pictures from the top for me.







That's how I know I'll make it. I've just gotta see that view. I love the hills. Maybe I'll find the hill I'm going to live on from up there. Actually, the hill it is built on is quite a nice one. It's got a good round dome top, and as you can see, it drops away into long valleys from that point. There is a great view.

Freaking out and Caves

We took a family trip to Meramec Caverns today. "Come visit the most exploited cave in America!" It is sometimes hard to see the caveness of the poor thing, with the paved walkways, multi-colored electric lights, and handy handrails everywhere. It feels like you're in someone's basement. It is an amazingly beautiful cave, and big(!) if you remember to look at it - I mean really look at the cave behind all of the other stuff. I am never sure how to feel about paying $35 to see a place like that.

Oh, if you ever see the assholes who drive around in the Ameriquest Mortgage Airship, tell them I said, "Hello, Fuckers!" They very kindly ran me straight off onto the shoulder of Interstate 44 while we were going just over 70 mph. The thought it was quite hilarious, but I found the thought of my beautiful 8-year-old son hurdling towards the guard rail anything but.



(It was the box truck that actually ran me off of the road, not these van guys, but I bet they got a kick out of it too.)

In other news: quitting smoking screws up your blood sugar! I was already having a hard time today with my nerves and being exceptionally crabby. I sorta forgot that I planned my smoking cessation and my PMS for the exact same weekend. Oops :) Then I didn't eat lunch because I was in a cave for an hour and 20 minutes. So by the time I got out, I was totally crazy!

Dennis already knows that I need to eat at fairly regular intervals or I get sorta nutty. I didn't realize what was going on today with my blood sugar. I kept trying to fight it off like it was a nicotine thing, and I kept trying to yell at him for telling me to eat. I think I just yelled at everyone all the way home.

Picnic

Dennis, Chris and I went for a picnic this evening at Sandy Creek Covered Bridge. The mosquitos were out, but it was worth it. The fish seemed to enjoy eating some of our bread crumbs. I love the air this time of year. It is still warm, but it is drier and it feels so much better than the heavy summertime air.

I felt just fine today at work. I was happy and so proud of myself! It isn't as easy later in the day. I am finding that I have absolutely no idea how to deal with anything. It's a combination of the fact that I used to be able to "escape" by going outside to smoke, and the way nicotine screws up your brain chemistry.

From WhyQuit.com:
"Your mind is in the process of resuming control of the more than 200 neurochemicals that nicotine had directly and indirectly taken hostage, including select adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin pathways. In resuming control the brain is making sensitivity adjustments associated with mood, reward, stimulation and anxiety. In trying to protect your mind from the deadly pesticide nicotine it actually desensitize important neurochemical circuits by reducing receptor sites and diminishing the number of transporters. "

I Put My Finger in My Eye

At least I feel like putting my finger in my eye.

Good GOD! I cut way back on lozenges yesterday. I haven't had one today. I figure there is no sense in messing around with it anymore. I am not going to smoke anymore no matter what, so I'm just going to go ahead and go through the whole process all at once. Why put it off?

Holy crap this is hard. It's made me cry a few times already. I mean tears and bawling and snot. My official fall-back if it is too hard is lozenges, but I've avoided them so far today.

I had to go back to the doctor because my Pap from September 2nd came back "ASCUS." (Atypical Squamous Cells of Undetermined Significance.) They didn't have enough tissue left over to do the HPV test, so I had to go give them some more. Hooray! I shouldn't have HPV, because I did not have it when I was pregnant with Chris. I know I was tested for it then. Since I met Dennis, I've had three normal paps. I have a feeling this was just a bad test for some reason and the HPV will come back negative. I gather that around 60% of the time that is the case.

I will know when this test comes back in two to three weeks. If I do not have any HPV at all, then I just got a "bad Pap" for some reason or another. If I do have HPV, I will know if I have "not bad" or "bad" HPV. Apparently there are different kinds, and only some of them are associated with increased risk of cervical cancer.

From Dr. Paul Indman:
The Atypical Pap (ASCUS)
This is the category that drives women crazy! This means some cells that are slightly funny looking, but not abnormal enough to call dysplasia. (ASCUS stands for "atypical cells of undetermined significance.) This category could also be called "probably normal, but I want to keep a close eye on things." There is a tremendous variation between labs on how many pap smears come back with this reading, which corresponds to the old "Class 2" classification. Some labs will be very liberal in calling normal variations "atypical," which causes women to worry needlessly. Other labs have stricter criteria for this classification.

Damn You, Oprah!

So Oprah announced her new book yesterday...

They're reading The Good Earth by Pearl S. Buck. Ok, so here's a snippet of my reading list:

A Farewell to Arms, Ernest Hemingway
Frankenstein, Mary Shelley
The Giver, Lois Lowry
The Good Earth, Pearl S. Buck

I'm reading A Farewell to Arms right now. Unless I get hung-up with my cousin's wedding gift, I should be to The Good Earth in about three weeks. (I'm sewing a wedding sampler for Emily, and I need to get on it because the wedding is on the 25th of this month.)

C'mon, Oprah! You did this with Anna Karenina too! What the heck? Are you trying to steal my reading list? It is so hard to get books from the library when they are make your book club. I hate feeling like an Oprah joiner! I know the librarian is judging me. Damn you!

A "Told Ya So" for Dennis

"Anger is a part of the quitting process. Don’t try to resist it. Accept it, safely vent it, and take some time to feel it. You feel angry and testy. You don’t have to have a reason to feel that way, you just do. "

The American Lung Association has a free smoking cessation program on their website. If you are thinking of quitting, you should check it out. If you are a smoker, and are not thinking of quitting, you should still check it out :-D

I thought the quote above was amusing. That's exactly what I told Dennis last night while we were watching a movie together. "I'm crabby, I'm cranky, I'm mad at everything. Deal with it. I deserve to be." If you are quitting cocaine, you get to go to a special swanky hospital. I have to go on with my daily life as if nothing special were happening to me. GRR!

So Far, So Good

It has been more than 36 hours since my last cigarette! According to this, my risk of heart attack has already decreased, and my carbon monoxide level is the same as a non-smoker now. (Yeah, but does that count the exhaust huffing I did on my way home from work yesterday???)



I've been cranky, but I really haven't had overwhelming cravings. One big difference is that I've really made up my mind that I don't want to smoke anymore. I know other people who have already quit successfully have said that deciding they didn't want to smoke is what finally worked for them.

The Commit is ok except for two things. It is hard to plan not eating 15 minutes before you take one, and they last for about 30 minutes. That makes eating breakfast and getting my morning coffee a challenge, especially the days that I work. Oh, add one more thing - the lozenges are kinda large for my mouth. I have a big mouth, but apparently "between the cheek and gums" is just a little bit too small. Sometimes it starts to hurt having that big old hard lozenge stuck in there.

I'm trying to convince myself that I want lozenges when I go get cravings.

I'm starting to get productive coughs. Ew. I know they'll go away after a while though, because I've been through this part of quitting before.

Goodbye to You

I quit! I set my quit date for today, September 13, 2004.

I had a ceremony last night after my last cigarette ever. I threw away my ashtray, lighters, and about 1/2 a pack I had hanging around. (Except Dennis wanted to keep the lighters for his torch, so I let him.) I was trying to pretend that they were things left behind by a terrible boyfriend. (But that wound up just being silly :) )

I've only packed enough money for lunch today ($2, I'm having a McChicken and an apple pie), and left my credit and debit card at home. I can't buy cigarettes even if I really really really want to that way.

I'm trying Commit lozenges this time. I know I can't do the patch because they keep me up at night and give me strange dreams when I do manage to fall asleep.

Here goes nothing.

Photo. Blog.

We finally got FTP access to our host back up and running.

Pictures from Chris's Birthday Party and the State Fair are up in their posts. Yea!

Birthday, Birthday, Birthday

Today is Cathy's (Dennis's mom) birthday. I don't know what we've got planned, but I hope the boy is going to get her a gift and go see her tonight. Otherwise I'll have to spank him ;)

I finished reading Ethan Frome yesterday. Dennis tells me I read too fast. Bah, even if I do, I'll never read everything. The New England winter was the most interesting "character" in the story for me. I've never been to that part of the country, and while I have seen bad snow storms from time to time, that kind of weather never takes over in St. Louis. I know what a moonlight snowscape looks like, but I don't know what it feels like to be socked in for the whole winter. I suppose that is a commentary on how things read to individual readers. I'm always excited by meteorological descriptions in print. I like the way talented writers can pratically make us feel the rain drops falling on us, or the cold winter wind whip through us.

Edith Wharton dealt with time in Frome in an interesting manner, with an outside narrator telling a story that happened a while ago. This device is very common in modern movies, so it isn't a shock to the modern reader. It is even less suprizing to find it in a short story. It is a very good way to establish a 3rd person narrator and cut through chrolonogical details, which is sometimes necessary in order to fit a full narrative into such a small space. It is certainly not as interesting as Arthur Miller's use of time in Salesman. Still, Frome is an excellently put-together piece that absolutely deserves a look.

Lazy Heads!

We both had the day off today, and we did NOTHING. Labor Day my ass!

I finished reading James Joyce's Dubliners today. The last story, "The Dead", was my favorite. It made me cry. Something about that story and the residual from watching this documentary, "A Family Undertaking," on PBS last night. I definately cried last night. What a touching film! If PBS is rerunning it in your area, you should watch!

I also finished off Arthur Miller's Death of a Salesman today. It's an interesting thing to pair with Dubliners. I'm certain there is excellent fodder for a college lit. class essay there! I think James Joyce was living Biff Loman, because he felt the disallusionment and was able to articulate it, unlike Willy Loman. Whew, that was a brain workout, finishing both books and the documentary all together in less than 24 hours.

We ran down to Festus to eat BBQ with Dennis's folks earlier this evening. We sat outside and watched the hummingbirds for quite a while. They've got quite a herd down there! We must have seen 30 or 40 of them at one time.

Air Show

Dennis took me to the St. Louis County Fair & Air Show today. His company, Jetcorp, hosted a catered BBQ in their new hanger. It's (obviously) right out on the tarmac, so we had a great view of the planes. It was fun!

Ex-In-Laws

Oh boy, if you think getting along with your in-laws in a challenge, you should try having your ex-in-laws over for the afternoon!

Paul called me yesterday wondering why I didn't pick Chris up after school. I didn't because Labor Day is his holiday this year and he's supposed to have Chris for the whole three-day weekend. Duh! Paul had "just learned" that he had to work today, and wanted to know if I could watch Chris. Hrm, if I am ever in that position, he says, "I can't believe you didn't arrange for a babysitter!!!" in his most incredulous tone. How many times have I been stuck driving to Litchfield so that my parents or sister could watch Chris? Oh well, getting to see Chris unexpectedly on Paul’s holiday is a nice bonus for me. I didn’t have anything else going on anyway, Dennis was scheduled to be out of the house most of the day working on Dave’s turbo car and selling his Shelby Charger anyway. So besides it being good to see Chris, it was also really no particular trouble at all. Hooray!

The catch was that Paul’s family was coming to town for his other birthday party. I wasn’t going to give Chris back to Paul, I was going to meet his parents at their hotel and drop him off there.

I got to Paul’s on time (9:00 a.m. on a Saturday *grr*) and they had literally just rolled out of bed. Chris and I stopped on the way home to walk across the Page Extension bridge. It’s pretty cool, and I think Chris really enjoyed it. He hadn’t had breakfast, so we went to Denny’s together. We came down Lindbergh from north county, and it would up being almost 11:30 before we got back to my apartment.

Oops, Paul’s parents called around 2:00. They’d moved hotels and decided they would just pick him up at my house! CLEANING FRENZY!!! Luckily it wasn’t very bad, since we’d just been through the extra cleaning for his birthday party here last week. Still, plenty of stress for a few minutes there! Everything worked out fine, Barb (ex-MIL) seemed to approve of the apartment, they were nice, and then they left. Not as bad as I thought it was going to be. :)

Paul's Family:


Aunt Jeana, Grandma Barb (Gummi), Chris, Aunt Katie, and Grandpa Paul

I'm out of it

Dennis gave me some kind of germ. I came home from work early yesterday. I do that a lot anyway, but I was actually sick yesterday instead of just plain out of work to do. I assume I had a fever, since I was very disoriented and hot right before I left. I don't have a thermometer at work though, so I could have just been imagining things, or it could have just been hot in my office. I didn't eat lunch, then slept from about 2:30 yesterday afternoon until Dennis got home. I stayed up late last night. I honestly don't know how late. Even with all of that, I still managed to sleep until around 11:00 this morning! I haven't slept in that late for so long, I don't even remember it. I feel dizzy and crabby. I thought my coffee would cut through it, but it hasn't. Shoot. I'm really out of it. Darn good thing I'm not operating heavy equipment today! Hrm, I might just try another nap too. I never sleep this much anymore. I'm going to go take a hotter than normal shower to see if that does anything to clear the fog in my head.

Happy Birthday Chris!!!

My little guy is 8! I can't believe it's been that long. He's such a cutie. There is nothing in the world that compares to having children.

Paul kept Chris out of the house all evening. We're supposed to share time with him on his birthday. That didn't happen. I was left calling him on the phone at about 9:30. Believe me, I tried and tried to get in touch with them to arrange driving out to St. Charles and getting at least a few minutes with him, at least enough time for a big birthday hug. This is a major bummer.

I still haven't gotten an invitation to his "other" birthday party either. I seriously doubt that I will. I'm fairly certain that everyone is miffed by the two parties situation. (Well, except the one person who is ultimately responsible, that is.) We're all (and when I say we, I mean both sets of grandparents, Dennis and myself, and yes, even Paul - everyone else) able to put away whatever differences we may have for one day for Christopher's sake. Apparently we're all wrong. Apparently Chris's birthday needs to be some kind of contest. It makes me feel really bad for him. I can only hope that he is able to recognize the situation for what it is. I won't resort to feeding him lines, I won't ever give him the impression that someone else is wrong or bad. That's not what it is about. To me, it is about keeping Chris's best interest in mind at all times. I can't think of any reason that we need to create situations that force Chris to choose. It seems petty to me, but I know there are outside issues being brought in too. I worry sometimes, since I am apparently seen as public enemy #1 by certain people, just what kind of crap Chris is hearing about me. As the two parties situation developed, I got the impression that not everyone always feels the same pressure as me to keep adult matters between the adults.

Ugh, some days there is just no right answer. Every time you turn around, you're bumping into some other obsticle. It's enough to make you want to pull your hair out. I couldn't have stayed with Paul for anything. He wasn't perfect, and neither was I. The whole point was to make things better for everyone involved. UGH!

Birthday Party

We celebrated Chris's birthday today. Unfortunately Paul has had the brilliant idea to have separate parties, so it was somewhat un-perfect. We just smiled and made the best of it though. Paul was invited and actually showed up too!

We had a small group show up around 11:00 A.M.


Grandpa Dale, Grandma Myrna, Paul, Aunt Beth, Great-Aunt Marg, Dennis
(My parents, my ex-husband & baby daddy, my little sister, my aunt, my Deener)

We opened presents, but Chris was upset about having his picture taken.



He blew out the candles on his "dirt cake" that we made together last night.


The flower arrangement I made is there on the table. Yeah, I know, what eight-year-old boy wants flowers? Well, Mom takes any opportunity she gets to put fresh flowers in the apartment :)

We went to Grant's Farm to hang out. While at Grant's Farm, I was bitten on the leg by a camel. I DO NOT LIKE CAMELS NOW!!!



I think Chris did ok with his small party. I wish it didn't have to be this way, but he's getting old enough now to see things as they are and make up his own mind about it. He'll realize that it wasn't my doing, and I hope he'll appreciate what the effort I put into trying to make it up to him.

Reading

I just finished The Bean Trees by Barbara Kingsolver. It was a quick read, and I liked it. It's a chick book. I waited a long time to get one of the three copies the library has. I waited through 15 holds before I finally got my turn at it. Apparently everyone read it quickly, because I obviously hadn't waited 10 weeks for it.

I skipped Canterbury Tales. I checked it out, kept it for two weeks, and barley scratched the Prologue. I just wasn't the least bit interested right now. I'll get back to it though, because I do want to read it. I'm actually considering buying it so I can saw away at it a piece at a time. It isn't really what I would consider a one-sitting kind of book.

I am going to get The Death of a Salesman today. My list tells me to read "Different Drummer, William Melvin Kelley" next, but the St. Louis County library doesn't have it! They have the Cliff's Notes though. Strange.

Since I can't get that at the library, I'm going to skip on to James Joyce's The Dubliners. It is also in the library, along with the Arthur Miller play, so it looks like I'm going to have pleanty to read for at least a few days.

Lightning

Our apartment complex was struck by lightning last night. It was the same building as our apartment, but it was down at the other end. It was very exciting!

Well, the actual lightning strike wasn't all that exciting to me. I was in bed reading. The bedroom blinds were all the way open so I could enjoy the storm. Dennis was asleep behind me. I saw a very bright flash and heard the simultaneous thunder, but I assumed it hit the tall cell tower that's a little way behind us, so I didn't think any more about it. Dennis didn't even wake up.

A little while later we noticed two fire trucks and about six police cars in the front. Our downstairs neighbor was outside by her car when it happened. She said it hit the top of the building, then jumped horizontally over the parking lot and off into the woods.

There is a hole through the roof in the back of the aparments. The shingles are blown up and out, and there was so much force that nails were pushed through boards down into the apartment. The hole continues straight through the crawl space and the upstairs ceiling. Yes, they're looking at stars in their kitchen. The strike blew the filter / cover off of the downstairs apartment's stove hood. The apartment next door (upstairs) to the one with the hole in the ceiling is vacant. The firemen couldn't get in through the door, so they pulled down cabinets and hacked through the kitchen wall. They had to make sure it wasn't burning over there. They pulled out the kitchen fan, a whole bunch of smoldering insulation, blackened drywall from the ceiling, etc. It was actually pretty scary. It definately smelled like smoke all over the complex for a while there.

The emergency pager to get in touch with the management was out of service, so we had quite a time getting in touch with Debbie. It was a long time before she got over here. Shortly after the fire department left, it started storming all over again. The hole wasn't covered at all, so it may wind up that the downstairs unit gets ruined right along with the upstairs. I hope those people have their renter's insurance in order.

That was closer than I wanted it to be. The lightning was amazing last night though. After the storms had passed, there were a lot in incredible sheet strikes coming at us from the east. It was constant. There was actually more flashing from the sky than all of the emergency vehicles. Nobody was injured, there was no real fire, and we're all safe today. That's all that really matters.

Olympics

NBC's coverage of the Olympics really makes me angry. They insist on showing ads for the cable channels with actual variety though. I can call my cable provider if I'd like to see one single equestian event... I wish they'd run more of a cornicopia of sports on the network. You'd figure that is the flagship, right? I can watch gymnastics three or four times a year as it is. I never get to see archery, drassage, or judo. Isn't that a big part of the Olympics?

The huge time difference between here and Greece allows for canned, overproduced, overedited, all-around boring coverage. It seems to me that a lot of the drama has been edited out, and there isn't much nail-biting when you've read in the morning paper who wins the competitions that aren't even broadcast until prime time. A lot of controversies aren't even touched on the network. I wouldn't know about them if it wasn't for the paper and the internet.

Also, they've only been showing a few athletes in some of the events. Since it is so delayed, they edit the competition down to the top five people or so and try to act like it is interesting. Maybe I want to see the guy who came in 12th. Maybe he'll come back to win gold at the next Olympics. Maybe I'll run into him on the street somewhere and not even have a clue that he was an Olympic athlete.

I still really like watching though, even if I'm not thrilled with the presentation. I like the summer Olymics better than winter. I did want to watch the equestrian events though. USA even medaled! I think Bob Costas mentioned that fact, once.

NHRA Sport Compact

King of all LAME events! I've been to Tuesday Night Test & Tunes that were better attended than this. All of the big Mopars were either already knocked out or broke.

Scott Mohler broke a lot, spewing parts and fluid all over the track. Then they left him parked and bleeding just past the towers for a long time. He's gonna lose lots of series points on that. We didn't hear exactly what happened, but the announcer said it was the motor. We were thinking transmission, since they'd just replaced it on Saturday. I guess they had a snap ring problem... Hehe!

Shaun Carlson didn't get out of the lights because of some transmission trouble. The announcer thought it was just an autostart problem, but we found out later that he couldn't get the car into any gear lower than 4th at the line, so there was no way for him to bump forward into the second staging light.

The highlight of the day -by a long long long shot- was Shaun Carlson signing a Neon Hotwheel for Chris. He put his 7.73 @ 193 time on it. It was really cool. We're probably three of twelve people that even bothered to walk through the pits, and I'm sure we were three of seven people who even knew who they were.

Tim Kish had his gorgeous R/T down for the event. We watched him get knocked out of brackets running a mid-high 14 second pass. His wife and child were there too. Last time I saw Tim, he had just gotten engaged. I didn't even suspect they'd had a child too. I just don't keep up with people anymore.

I definately should have raced. There were only a handful of cars in the Tech classes, and a good percentage of them had absolutely no clue what they were doing. I could have cleaned up easily. It was a bad day for Neons on the track, so maybe it's a good thing I didn't. I think Dennis's slower car could have cleaned up. Did I mention that this event was LAME?

I should have entered the Dyno Challenge too. The "winner" in N/A 4 cylinder only put down 151. I have a sneaking suspicion that I'd have given him at least a good run for his money on that number. Yeah. It's a sad day when I attend an event that I actually think I could win. That is NOT a good comment on the state of things.

The car show had maybe 25 cars entered. There was nothing horribly disgusting, nothing that really got my attention. I missed the bikini contest... Sheesh, if it was as good as the rest of the event, I'm pretty glad about that!

We saw a real Skyline. Chris thought the right-hand drive was pretty cool. He even tried to get giant pretzel salt on it!

The event would not have been so lame if it would have been better attended. More competitors in every class would have made the long breaks between "big races" more fun. A lot of the bike racers were missing because of the AMA event in Indy the same weekend. A lot of "famous" sport-compact people were there, but it didn't seem important or interesting. NHRA shouldn't have sat on their ass for so long with sport-compact. Our friend Allix said that NOPI was a lot better. What a shame. I wish that we could get attendance for the more "race oriented" events. But it is hard to compete with foam parties... Sheesh.

State Fair Again

Dennis had to work Saturday, so Chris and I ran off to the State Fair. We had a really good time!

Here's the Butter Cow:


Here's Chris milking a real cow:


And **WOW** Chris got to pet some bluegill:



Yea, petting fish! Hehe...

Next Blog

The Next Blog button is evil!

I've gotten stuck, been reading the Next Blog too much this afternoon.

I'm sad/pissed at the moment over something that rarely gets to me anymore. Kerry Crowe's Blog started it. Shit! It isn't just her, there's a whole group of them - check the links. Young, pretty, in grad school, active, busy, nice, funny, intelligent, free-thinking, spirited. Very very rarely anymore I stumble upon regrets. I wanted to be Kerry Crowe. I could have been too, shit! I almost went to NIU. I was accepted, it was just a matter of who offered the best financial aid package. Hrm, come to think of it, I would have been leaving NIU for grad school at the U of I the same year Kerry Crowe was leaving the U of I for grad school at NIU. Ironic...

Everyone has been on me to get a hobby. I was all excited about it too, because I thought I'd finally settled on something new, cheap, and relatively easy to try out. But now I'm all out of sorts, so it seems so stupid I don't even want to type it. Hrm, I didn't know I was this bitter. Maybe I'll get off my ass and do something. What? Go back to school? Go back in time? Jump off of a bridge? Hard to say when a few minutes ago I was satisfied with a quick trip to the craft store. Yeah, I just realized how unsatisfied I am right now. I know I'm cabable of more, worth more, better than this. I never wanted to eek out anything. I've gotta buckle down and figure out what I do want and how to best apply myself to reaching that goal. Oh crap, I didn't want to go through this today. Told you the Next Blog button is evil.

Blahhhhhhhhh!

Summer's Almost Gone

Chris went back to school today. He's starting Third Grade! We went to orientation last Wednesday. We met his teacher, and got to visit his classroom. Mrs. Canning has a frog obsession :) There are frogs of all shapes, sizes and materials all over the room. She is also taking "maternity leave" sometime this school year to travel to China so that she and her husband can adopt a child. I hope that experience gets incorporated into the classroom. I think it is something very special, and I think 3rd grade is the perfect age for it to really make an impression on the kids. This is also an important transitional year. Fourth grade and beyond are "advanced" years. First and second grade are "primary" years. I think what happens this year will affect the remaining course of Chris's education. I really think this is the year he'll shake out as a serious student - or not. I hope Paul is up to the challenge and really gets the serious side of education into Chris's head.

We've flipped the custody arrangement again for the school year. Now we see him here on the weekends and he's with his Dad during the school week. It changes the dynamic of our apartment a lot.

Worn Out

Whew! We got in at 1:30 or so in the morning. *yawn* I love going to the State Fair!

We got up there around 12:30 in the afternoon. We parked outside Gate 4, and when we walked past the race barns, we saw my parents' car. We went into the Hobbies, Arts & Crafts building first. We saw a gigantic pumpkin, looked at the produce, drooled over the cookies and cakes, and saw the quilts. Yippee! Then we went to the Dairy Building. The Butter Cow is actually doing something this year, instead of just posing.

Oh, and the Butter Cow has a live webcam!

If the people get out of the way, you can see some of the detail. There are butter kittens, butter mice, and butter flies this year in addition to the actual cow herself.

We walked down Main Street to the Coliseum, where we watched a few classes of the Society Horse Show. We walked through some of the horse barns. The Society snobs always rope off their barns, so we got stuck on the wrong side of the brick barns. Geez, at least let people have a way through, would you? We spent a long time in the Draft barns petting a baby draft mule and a baby Percheron. We doubled back to get some chocolate milk from the "Milk-a-Cow" stand. Mom's friend Dianne was working in there. One of the cattle farms had Jack Russell terrier puppies for sale in their barn. They were very naughty, but very cute little things. One of them had one blue eye and one brown eye. She bit. A lot! Then we got Dennis's first Elephant Ear ever, with a lemon shake-up. We took that over to the Grandstand, and watched a few harness races. We went over to the Piglet trailer, but there weren't any babies yet. :( Too early in the Fair.

We met my parents at the Illinois Building. We got some Honey Ice Cream, sat around, then went to the Ethnic Village to get Beth ready for dancing. We watched some well-bellied Belly Dancers while we were waiting. Dennis got some chicken curry from the Indian place that was too hot for me. I snuck out to get a corn dog :) Beth didn't feel like dancing all of the dances, and she was almost always in the back, so we couldn't see her too well. She was in the front for the Hornpipe, which is one of the dances I like to watch the most. We all sat together and tried to embarrass her by hooting and doing the wave, etc. After the dancing, we went to the Expo Building to get some Watkins Vanilla, and we actually managed to avoid all of the other crap in the building. The trick is to walk quickly and divert your eyes ;)

My family shared some fried cheese curds with us. Another thing Dennis had never tried before. We all walked back to the Draft barns, dragging Beth's dance suitcase through the muck. Dennis and I got bored with the standing around and talking to strangers, so we took off shortly after. My family walked out with us. We stopped in Litchfield on the way home to get something to drink and stretch our legs a little.

It was a good day at the fair!

State Fair

Yea! Dennis and I are getting ready to leave for the Illinois State Fair in a little bit! I'm excited!!! I love the fair!

River Splash

Dennis, Chris and I went downtown to see River Splash last night. We forgot that there was a Rams game going on, so we had a small parking fiasco. We finally got that resolved by parking in the blacktop Casino Queen lot. The gravel lot was completely full! We walked across the Eads Bridge.



It was closed to traffic for the weekend because of the "Eats Bridge" thing, but that doesn't happen on Thursday nights. As far as I know, that was the first time I've ever walked across the Mississippi. Yes, it is a long walk! River Splash itself is only somewhat cool. I think it would be a better experience if you actually got there in time to watch the concert too. It was an absolutely gorgeous night, cool enough for a jacket - in August! The walk was by far the best part. It's a very romantic place.

Chris was amused by the state line between Illinois and Missouri. He stood in one state and shook my hand - in another state :)

City Museum

Chris and I spent the day at the City Museum today. We did so much climbing and crawling and sliding! I'm worn out!

I got scared when we were way up in this airplane. It's higher than it looks up there, and it's just built over the parking lot...



The new caves are really cool too. They used the old lightwell of the building for part of it. It's very neat!


It was so fun! It's really tiring though. I came home and took a nap :)

Slow Weekend

Dennis took me out to the Bella Sera Italian Grill on Gravois Friday night. We just had sandwiches. I got a grilled chicken club, and he got a steak and cheese. They were both very good. Not as good as the fish tacos at the same location when it was a mexican grill though :) Sandwiches came with fries, which they graciously substituted with sauteed spinach. The spinach was excellent! Neither of us felt up to a $5 glass of wine. I didn't see until we were leaving that they had Schlafly on tap, or I would have had some of that with my sandwich. If they stay open longer than the mexican place did, we will go back.

Then we went to Oberweis for desert. He had a very fancy waffle cone with brownie ice cream. I had a hot fudge sundae. He liked it better than Ted Drewes, but I didn't. It was very good though.

We rented three movies, watched one each day over the weekend: Bad Santa (hated it!), The Butterfly Effect (liked it a lot, and it didn't creep me out), and Secondhand Lions (liked it, very cute).

For all of that, it was a very boring weekend.